**NOTE: The 21-Day Beautiful Me Challenge has been postponed to begin August 5th.**
According to a 2005 survey conducted by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 out of 3 American women are the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) reports that every 2 minutes, someone is sexually assaulted. A startling 17.7 million American women have experienced some form of sexual abuse, and, sadly, that number continues to grow.
Just a few days ago I connected with a college student who’d been recently raped by a love-interest on their first official date.
A couple of weeks prior, I consoled a young girl who became a victim of molestation at the hands of her mother’s boyfriend.
Right before that, I received an email from a twenty-something young woman who had to fight off her stepfather to prevent him from forcefully using her to fulfill his lustful desires.
My heart ached as I listened to and read about their awful ordeals, and I thought about the many women – including myself – that share these same experiences. Sexual abuse is a horrible act that’s been happening since Bible times. I’m sure you probably recall the story of Tamar and Amnon in 2 Samuel 13.
I’ll briefly refresh your memory.
Right before that, I received an email from a twenty-something young woman who had to fight off her stepfather to prevent him from forcefully using her to fulfill his lustful desires.
My heart ached as I listened to and read about their awful ordeals, and I thought about the many women – including myself – that share these same experiences. Sexual abuse is a horrible act that’s been happening since Bible times. I’m sure you probably recall the story of Tamar and Amnon in 2 Samuel 13.
I’ll briefly refresh your memory.
Tamar was the beautiful, virgin daughter of King David. Scripture recounts that her half-brother Amnon was so “in love” with her that it made him sick with desire. Ill-advised by his cousin Jonadab, he pretended to be sick and requested that Tamar come to serve him. He summoned her to his bedside, where he satisfied the lust of his flesh and raped her, although she begged him not to. As if raping her was not bad enough, he then had her thrown and locked out of his room, and ended up hating her more than he had supposedly loved her.
Tamar, who just moments prior to entering her brother’s room, was a pure woman that, I imagine, was happy and full of life, had, in a matter of minutes, exited as a woman feeling like her life was over, carrying shame and disgrace that was forced upon her by the evil actions of Amnon. 2 Samuel 13:20 says that she ended up living as a desolate woman.
How incredibly sad that is.
Unfortunately, it still happens every single day – some young girl or woman’s life is interrupted by the horror of sexual abuse, and although she has done nothing wrong, she is left bearing the weight unwanted pain, shame, and guilt of being violated.
As someone who experienced molestation by the hands of a relative between the ages of 5-8 and miraculously escaped a would-be rape in my early twenties, I understand the effects such a trauma can have on your psyche and self-esteem.
My abuser would whisper in my ear every single time he released himself on me, “This is what girls are made for…to make guys like me feel good.” Although I was very young, I knew it didn’t seem right that someone should “feel good” at the expense of causing another pain – physically and emotionally. Back then, I had no real clue about what he was doing to me, but once enlightened, I remember feeling so ashamed, dirty and guilty for “letting” him do those nasty things to me.
I internalized the offense and blamed myself.
Even when I stared into the raging eyes of my then boyfriend as he held me down and ordered me to make him “feel good,” I put the blame on my own shoulders for letting it happen. Again, my self-esteem took a big hit – completely out of the ballpark it went. For years, I felt ugly, unlovable, trashy, and depressed.
Sexual abuse affects every woman differently; however, I think it’s safe to say that the emotions attached to the pain of that evilness are heavy and challenging to overcome. It can leave you feeling depressed, angry, bitter, broken, fearful, worthless -- and the list goes on.
For me, it stripped me of the pure definition of beauty and tainted my perception self-worth. All I could see of myself was a used up, worthless piece of flesh, only good for one thing.
It’s so easy to get lost in that pain and shame, but I am so very thankful for the love of God that is able to lift us out of the deepest pit, restore us, and transform our mind to see ourselves the way He beautifully created us.
If you find yourself struggling to overcome the emotional effects of sexual abuse, you should know three things:
1. You are not what happened to you. You may have been victimized, but you are not a victim and neither are you defined by the heinous acts of your offender. You are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), created in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Your identity is found in Christ alone, not in circumstances.
2. It is not your fault. You are not responsible for the actions of others, and nothing you said, wore, did or didn’t do caused it to happen. Stop blaming yourself. You are innocent. You did nothing wrong. (See Deuteronomy 22:25-27)
3. You will recover. Your life doesn’t end where your pain begins. One minute at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, you will bounce back. You’re much more resilient that you think. Find strength in the promise spoken in Jeremiah 30:17 NLT, "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord..."
Consider these practical tips in helping to recover emotionally:
Tamar, who just moments prior to entering her brother’s room, was a pure woman that, I imagine, was happy and full of life, had, in a matter of minutes, exited as a woman feeling like her life was over, carrying shame and disgrace that was forced upon her by the evil actions of Amnon. 2 Samuel 13:20 says that she ended up living as a desolate woman.
How incredibly sad that is.
Unfortunately, it still happens every single day – some young girl or woman’s life is interrupted by the horror of sexual abuse, and although she has done nothing wrong, she is left bearing the weight unwanted pain, shame, and guilt of being violated.
As someone who experienced molestation by the hands of a relative between the ages of 5-8 and miraculously escaped a would-be rape in my early twenties, I understand the effects such a trauma can have on your psyche and self-esteem.
My abuser would whisper in my ear every single time he released himself on me, “This is what girls are made for…to make guys like me feel good.” Although I was very young, I knew it didn’t seem right that someone should “feel good” at the expense of causing another pain – physically and emotionally. Back then, I had no real clue about what he was doing to me, but once enlightened, I remember feeling so ashamed, dirty and guilty for “letting” him do those nasty things to me.
I internalized the offense and blamed myself.
Even when I stared into the raging eyes of my then boyfriend as he held me down and ordered me to make him “feel good,” I put the blame on my own shoulders for letting it happen. Again, my self-esteem took a big hit – completely out of the ballpark it went. For years, I felt ugly, unlovable, trashy, and depressed.
Sexual abuse affects every woman differently; however, I think it’s safe to say that the emotions attached to the pain of that evilness are heavy and challenging to overcome. It can leave you feeling depressed, angry, bitter, broken, fearful, worthless -- and the list goes on.
For me, it stripped me of the pure definition of beauty and tainted my perception self-worth. All I could see of myself was a used up, worthless piece of flesh, only good for one thing.
It’s so easy to get lost in that pain and shame, but I am so very thankful for the love of God that is able to lift us out of the deepest pit, restore us, and transform our mind to see ourselves the way He beautifully created us.
If you find yourself struggling to overcome the emotional effects of sexual abuse, you should know three things:
1. You are not what happened to you. You may have been victimized, but you are not a victim and neither are you defined by the heinous acts of your offender. You are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), created in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Your identity is found in Christ alone, not in circumstances.
2. It is not your fault. You are not responsible for the actions of others, and nothing you said, wore, did or didn’t do caused it to happen. Stop blaming yourself. You are innocent. You did nothing wrong. (See Deuteronomy 22:25-27)
3. You will recover. Your life doesn’t end where your pain begins. One minute at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, you will bounce back. You’re much more resilient that you think. Find strength in the promise spoken in Jeremiah 30:17 NLT, "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord..."
Consider these practical tips in helping to recover emotionally:
• Counseling. Connect with a Christian counselor, ministry leader, or someone you trust. Open up to them about how you’re feeling and accept their help in working through your emotions. (Pray first and allow the Lord to lead you to the right person).
• Support Groups. If you’re open to connecting with others who have similar experiences, a support group is a great option. You can feel a sense of community and gain strength from those who have been where you are. It will help in not feeling alone.
• Journaling. If you’re an introvert and are uncomfortable expressing your deepest thoughts and feelings to others, grab a journal and write it out. Pour your heart on its pages and release your emotions so that they don’t build up within you.
• Prayer & Meditation. Sometimes, you can’t find the words to speak how you feel. In those times, you can sit before the Lord and He will listen to the cries of your heart and understand the unspoken words of your falling tears. Open your Bible and allow the Word of the Lord to fuel your weakened spirit.
Though painful and absolutely horrible to experience, sexual abuse does not take away who God created you to be. You are still beautiful; still valuable; still worthy; still whole.
Be beautiful,
LaKeisha Rainey-Collins
XOXO
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