The Hidden Struggle: Be Free

I was molested by a family member between the ages of 6-8. Because of that, my body was awakened to sex and sexuality much sooner than it should've been. At 12, I was introduced to pornography. I guess because of the seed that had been planted within me by my abuser, something inside of me was drawn to the images and dirty acts on the TV screen, and my body responded in a way that was confusing. Confusing, yet interesting. I was simultaneously intrigued and puzzled. I didn't understand what my body was feeling, and a part of me knew it was probably wrong, but in a strange way, I liked it. After the first viewing, I was hooked. The more I watched, the more my desire for it grew. Even when I wanted to turn away, I couldn't.

Before I realized it, I'd formed an addiction to it. Watching it became my stress-reliever, my stimulant and my depressant, it was my escape from the troubles of life.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, 15 years had passed, and there I was -- wife, mother, christian woman -- bound in the chains and guilt of a pornography addiction.

I wanted so badly to be free. My convictions had changed, and I knew it was displeasing to God and disrespectful to my husband. But still, even in my best efforts to stop, I found myself hiding away behind closed doors, indulging in my secret sin. I'd become instantly disgusted with myself for falling...again. But I was in so deep, I couldn't find that way of escape 1 Corinthians 10:13 speaks of.

I was a prisoner to it. Sucked in to its guilty pleasure. Its claws were embedded deep into my spirit.

I was so ashamed. I could never tell a sole.

My soul was begging to be free, but my mind was stuck in bondage. There were times when I felt like I just couldn't control the urges. The spirit of lust had greatly overtaken me.

I wish I could tell you that I finally enrolled myself into Porn Addicts Anonymous, followed a 12-step program, and successfully overcame. But that's not my testimony.

I fought tooth and nail for my freedom, and it was HARD.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I denied myself.
I overcame.

God took the taste from my mouth, and I'm three years free with no desire to look back.

Nobody's talking about this, but pornography addiction is alive and well among women -- among Christian women -- and many are struggling to break free.

Deliverance is possible and available for you. It takes fortifying your spirit with the word of God and through prayer, and in many cases, an accountability partner. It takes denying yourself when self-pleasure is screaming at you. It takes being committed to going through the process of withdrawal and doing whatever it takes to obtain your freedom. It takes forgiving yourself and understanding that when you confess your sins to The Father, He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you. It takes understanding that no matter how many times you've fallen, God will pick you up, dust you off and use you for His glory.

You can be free. You are free. Grab hold to it.

You can do all things through Christ's strength.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

You're Already Beautiful

When is the last time you looked in the mirror and admired how beautiful you are? No, I'm not talking about the mirror that hangs on your wall. Neither am I referring to your hair or your hips, your curves or cute clothes, your bust or your butt. 

 Nope!

The mirror that I speak of is GOD. Itt was in His image that you were created. The reflection you see when you stand face to face with yourself should be His, not the superficial definition of beauty that's been shoved down your throat by mainstream media and pop culture. You see, the thing that makes you beautiful cannot be purchased from a shelf. It's not in the MAC makeup, but in the divine makeup in which you were created by The Man above. It's not in the clothes you wear, but in the work of the cross Jesus had to bear. It's not in the lashes you place upon your eyes, but in the lashes that were placed upon Jesus' body. It's not even in those red bottoms, but in the red blood that was shed just for you.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being fly and fabulous. But again, that's not where your true beauty lies.

Your beauty has nothing to do with your childhood history. It's not connected to the abuse you suffered or the father that never showed you love. It's not at all contingent upon how much your mother failed to love you or the rejection you faced from your peers. It's not even about the number of men you've had sex with or any of the sexual struggles you've had. Neither is your beauty indicative upon how many men lust after you or the number of likes connected to your social media pictures. And it's not about how well you "twerk", or "werk" overtly revealing clothes.

Here's the thing...

Long before your parents ever even met, God knew you. Before you were ever a tiny little fetus growing in your mother's womb, God chose you. Before your heart ever made its first beat, God loved you. Before the foundation of the world, He gave you purpose.

He formed you - even your innermost parts - in His perfect image and to His liking. He shaped you perfectly for the purpose in which He created you. (Yes, you have purpose!) He laid out every detail of your life - even those things that you hate about yourself - and, by His hands, made you His masterpiece. You are the apple of His eye.

You are beautiful because you were created in the Spirit of a beautiful God. You are beautiful because you are a daughter of royalty. You are beautiful because God loved you SO much that He sacrificed His son just for you. You are beautiful because God has good plans for your life.

When is the last time you looked at yourself through God's eyes to see your true beauty?

All of those things that society says makes a woman beautiful can only mildly enhance the exterior of what is already perfectly made. It's what's within you - placed by God - that displays your true beauty.

You don't have to be hot, when God has created you to be holy.

You don't have to have certain clothes, when God has clothed you in righteousness.

You don't need compliments, when God gives you love without conditions.

Clothes, shoes, makeup, all of that is great. The problem is that those things can be stripped away, and with it, take your store-bought beauty. But when it comes to the beauty that was placed upon and within you by God, nothing and no one can take it away from you. 

Take the stress and pressure off of yourself and know this -- Your beauty is intricately wrapped in the divine design of your creation. It is in the combination of splendid qualities placed within you by the hands of The Heavenly Father before He formed you in your mother’s womb. You are God’s workmanship, His masterpiece, and everything He creates is lovely. His image sets the standard for your beauty, and His image is perfectly beautiful; therefore, so are you.

Fashion yourself after the Spirit of the Lord and clothe yourself in holiness, righteousness, love, peace, and joy. Adorn yourself with a life of worship and prayer. Measure yourself next to the Word of God, and in those areas where you don't quite line up, ask for His grace and strength to alter what is necessary.

You're already beautiful. No mirror or magazine cover can define that; only God.

Embrace THAT beauty.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

(Scripture References: Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13-17; Ephesians 2:10; Ephesians 1:4; Genesis 1:27;31; Isaiah 61:10).