Finding My Father: It Wasn't His Fault

If you've followed my writing for any length of time, then you know I grew up with an an absent father. You also know that I blamed him for every negative thing that ever happened in my entire life. In my mind, every single thing was his fault...


My low self-esteem.
My insecurities.
The sexual abuse.
My distorted understanding of love.
My struggle with sexual impurity.
My inability to trust men.
My unhealthy need for male attention.
My depression.
My suicidal thoughts.
My credit score (Not really! Ha!)...but you get the point.

 I used my father's absence as a scapegoat, and even blamed him for the hurt inflicted upon me by others, like the people who pained me were puppets maneuvered by his strings. I blamed my absent dad for EV-E-RY-THING! My reason for all of the bad choices I made in my life -- daddy issues. That was my story, and I stuck to it.

I wore my daddy issues excuse like a badge of honor, as if it gave me a pass for the pain caused by own reckless behavior.

Now, don't get me wrong, daddy issues are very real; however, we can only call daddy to the carpet for so long. At some point, the course of our lives becomes our own responsibility. At least that is what I personally believe.

But what every misfortune in my life really my daddy's fault? Truthfully, absolutely not.

The only thing I could validly fault him for is robbing me of the opportunity to know a father's love, and, because of that ignorance, causing me to look for such love in the wrong ways. But even in that, I totally forgive him, because I understand that the course of my life is much bigger than him failing to be a part of my life. God had a plan, and it has all worked for my good. I'm alright with that.

Retrospectively, through eyes of wisdom, I see that many of the pitfalls, pains, and problems in my life derived from the poor choices I personally made. That's nobody's fault but mine. I've matured enough to admit and accept that.

It wasn't daddy's fault. He simply played the role he was purposed to play in order for me to live out the purpose God planned for me. Now, his role, for this stage of my life has changed. He's no longer an absent non-participant; he's present...front and center, and released, by me, from all the blame I placed upon his shoulders.


Dear, Daddy:

I fully, totally, completely forgive you. You are not the cause of anything I experienced in my life...it was either by my choice, man's choice, or God's plan. I can now, at this point in my life, appreciate your absence (As crazy as it may sound!) because I understand that it was necessary in order for me to become the woman that I am today...and I happen to think I turned out quite alright!

No condemnation.
No blame.
No guilt.

Nothing but love.

xoxo
LaKeisha