I knew that I'd put on a little weight over the past year, but I didn't really care much. But why didn't I care? Why wasn't I concerned about my health and weight gain? Why was I accepting of being spiritually healthy and physically unfit? How could someone who once exercised regularly be okay with not exercising at all?
I had an issue. A deep one that I didn't even realize I had, until The Break-Up encouraged me to examine myself. It was then that I went to God in prayer in search of why I'd let myself go physically. It was then that God revealed my issue to me.
I blamed my body for "malfunctioning" and failing to carry and birth a full-term baby. I felt like my body had failed me and let me down. Had it done what it was supposed to do, just as the previous three times, I would not have had to experience such a devastating loss. I blamed my body for my pain, and neglecting to care for it was my way of punishing it.
Why should I give love to the thing that hurt me?
As crazy as it may sound, it was my truth. When I realized what I'd been doing and how I truly felt about my body, I quickly repented to the Lord for failing to take care of His temple.
There I was, holding a grudge against my body and deliberately hurting it by choosing to neglect it. What I failed to realize, however, is that I was only hurting myself. After putting on roughly 25 pounds, developing a knee ache, and generally feeling unhealthy since last September, I knew it was time to make a change.
I've since let go of my resentment towards my body, and am only an active journey to becoming a healthier me.
None of this would be happening, however, had I not confronted the issue that was holding me back. If I'd failed to realize that I had a problem, dealt with it, and forgave, I'd still be stuck.
When we hold on to hurt, pain, and disappointment, we are the only ones who are hurt in the long run. It can be hard to forgive someone who has caused you much pain, but the longer you harbor that unforgiveness in your heart, the more you keep yourself bound to the thing that hurt you. When you're bound, you can't move forward.
Letting go doesn't lessen the impact of the hurt or excuse the wrong that was done to you, but it frees your heart and mind from captivity, removes excess weight - because unforgiveness is heavy - and allows you to progress in your life and become emotionally healthy.
Who do you need to forgive? What weight do you need to drop? Your mom? Your dad? Your ex? Your molester or rapist? Your supposed best friend or business partner? Yourself? Insecurity? Dead relationship? Your past?
Whatever it is, it's not worth the emotional weight that it bears upon your heart. When you hold on to things, it dams up the flow of what you are able to receive.
When you hold on to pain, it blocks healing.
When you hold on to bitterness, it blocks joy.
When you hold on to unforgiveness, it blocks forgiveness from God.
When you hold on to hate, it blocks love.
When you hold on to weight, it blocks freedom.
Whatever it is, my friend, let it go. You deserve to be whole and healthy. Your issue may not be physical weight, but whatever it is that is weighing you down, will you turn over a new leaf with me and vow to strip it off? Together, we can do it. One day at a time. One step at a time. One prayer at a time.
"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down..." (Hebrews 12:1) It's time to drop the weight.
From my heart to yours...
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment