You're Worth More Than That

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a young lady seeking prayer to help her overcome her struggle with pre-marital sex.  She expressed to me that though she loves God, and is aware that what she’s doing is wrong, she can’t seem to fully break free from the bondage of her fleshly desires. She felt as if the spirit of sexual immorality had overtaken her life, and she desperately wanted help.

“I don’t know why I keep giving myself to these men…I know they don’t love me. But am I worth more than just sex?” she wrote.  Her words pierced my heart; I empathized with her.  I knew all too well what she was going through.

I would love to say that I saved myself until marriage, but that’s not my testimony.  I struggled with pre-marital sex for many years.  I knew it was displeasing to God, but my flesh almost always overpowered my intentions to do right.

At an early age, I’d been used to satisfy a man’s sexual desires.  Because of that, I believed my body was created for that purpose alone.  As I grew older, the cycle continued.  Only this time, I willingly offered the most precious gift I had to give.  It continued well into my adult life, and by that time I’d become comfortable in my sin.

I reached a point in my life where I wanted to become closer to God and desired to present my body as a living sacrifice, but sexual immorality had such a grip on me that I always found myself falling into its trap.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I prayed and cried at the altar, begging God to help me, only to find myself right back in someone’s bed.

Why do I keep doing this? Aren’t I worth more than just a good time? I’d ask myself.  I guess I was asking the wrong person, because the only answer I ever got was, “This is all you’re worth.”

While still in the midst of my struggle, I began to spend time in prayer.  I sincerely asked the Lord, “Is my body worth more than just sex?”  And I finally got the answer I so desperately needed, found in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:  “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”  My body?  A temple?  A sacred place where the Holy Spirit dwells?  No way.  It was hard for me to believe that there was anything sacred about my body.

I decided to seek the Lord through consecrated time of prayer and fasting, and my only request was for God to show me my value and deliver me from the desire to engage in pre-marital sex.  And you know what?  He answered my prayer.  It was not at all an easy process, and there were times that I fell in the process, but because God helped me to realize that my body was not my own, and I should honor Him with my body, presenting it as a holy sacrifice, I was determined to overcome my struggle.  He helped me to understand that although I’d been used and abused, my body was a temple -- the most precious, valuable gift I could give to a man, and it was not meant for me to share it with any old Joe.  But it was designed for me to share with the husband He’d designed for me.

A few months after I began my journey to honoring God with my body and abstaining from sex, my longtime boyfriend and I were married. Now, I’m not suggesting that if you fast and pray for a specified length of time, you’ll end up with a husband and your struggle will be over. That's my personal story. All I’m saying is that prayer, faith, and determination works.  God can help us with absolutely anything.

Each time a woman gives herself to a man that is not her husband, she gives away a piece of her soul, and she can never get it back.  She defiles her temple.  The precious, sacred temple that belongs to God is now filled with the spirits of every man she lays with.  Her heart becomes emotionally scarred, and she loses sight of her self-worth.

Sisters, you are more than what your body has to offer.  You are a queen, a royal gem, and your value is priceless.  Don’t sell yourself short another day.  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been struggling, or how many men you’ve been with,  God will forgive you.  According to 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  He will purify your body, your mind, and your spirit, and you can start afresh.  Just because you’ve already done it, does not mean you can’t start over, and begin to practice abstinence.

I pray for you, whomever and where ever you are, that you will come to know your value, allow God to sanctify your body, and offer it as a living sacrifice to God.

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You can do it! You're worth so much more than that.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

Release The Baggage

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."  

(Hebrews 12:1)

There's a show I used to watch on A&E called Hoarders. The show depicts people who are chronic packrats. They pack so much stuff into their homes that it crowds them out and they can barely even maneuver through their own house. They find themselves surrounded and closed in by mounds of stuff that they’ve collected and allowed to accumulate over the years, so much so, that many of their homes are deemed uninhabitable or a hazard to not only themselves, but those around them.

So many of us women are exactly like the people I’ve seen on Hoarders. The only difference is that instead of hoarding physical stuff, we are emotional hoarders. Instead of our houses overflowing with loads of trinkets, trash and treasures, our hearts are packed to capacity with unforgiveness, painful secrets, insecurities, fear, memories from the past, envy and the like. And because our heart and mind are so severely cluttered, we leave little to no room for the Holy Spirit to fully dwell within us. So often we feel like “God, where are you? I can’t feel you. I can’t sense your presence.” And I can imagine Him standing just outside the doors of our heart, saying “I’m right here, but there’s no room in there for me. Your space is uninhabitable.”

Just like those people on the show, their massive accumulation of stuff draws a wedge between them and their loved ones, our internal baggage can build distance between us and the presence and power of God in our lives.

In just about every instance, the person who hoards is weighed down, unhappy or depressed, and their true progress in life is significantly hindered, if not completely stalled.

My favorite part of the show, though, is when psychologists and professional organizers come in and assist the individual with cleaning out their home, both internally and externally. Room by room, they walk side by side with the person, helping them to acknowledge their issue, identity the root of it, go through the things they’ve accumulated and then finally decide to let most, if not all, of it go. The transformation is nothing short of amazing.

They begin to smile again, laugh again, love again, their families are restored, their vitality is renewed, and their home that was once extremely cluttered and difficult to maneuver through, becomes a place where joy flows freely.

It’s very similar in life. When we open our emotional suitcase, sort through the things we’ve packed inside, and throw out those things that weigh us down, we are able to excel and thrive in life. When we drop the weight, clean out our heart, we can tread through life feeling much lighter. The help we need to do this is available to us through the Holy Spirit.

There is another thing that intrigues me about the people I see on Hoarders. Anytime a neighbor, co-worker, or anyone who lives outside of their home is asked about the person’s hoarding, their responses are almost always the same --“I had no idea.” Though they see these people probably on a day-to-day basis, from the outside, they look perfectly normal. That is because they have mastered the art of hiding what’s really going on behind their closed doors. The same is to true with so many women, especially in the church world. We are professional pretenders. We put on our Sunday Best, our Mac makeup, get our weave sewn in just right, slip on our 5 inch heels, flash our pearly whites, and we cover up the brokenness, bitterness, and battered hearts behind it. We cry ourselves to sleep at night, but come Sunday morning, we act as if we are filled with joy. We fall time and time again into the bed of the wrong man, searching for love and validation, but convince others that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We burn with envy at our sister, inwardly rolling our eyes every time she walks by, but are quick to hug her with a “Hey girl!” and a smile.

We are masters at masquerade. We wear the masks and hide the weight so well that nobody has not even a clue about what’s really going on inside. But there is one truth that we can all be certain of – What’s in us eventually comes out. What goes on within our heart and mind eventually reveals itself through our outward actions. Weight cannot be forever hidden, and we absolutely cannot continue to pretend that we are spiritually fit, when internally, we are emotionally obese. The time is now to be honest with ourselves, recognize that our inward scale is tipping over, and choose to take proactive steps to lay aside those weights that hinder us from becoming all that God has destined us to be.

So, to begin this emotional fitness goal, I have five questions for you:

1. Who/What are the weights in your bag?
2. Why are you carrying it around?
3. Where has holding on to the weight(s) gotten you?
4. How do you drop the weight?
5. Once you empty your bag, what do you refill it with?

• Who/What are the weights in your bag (heart/mind)?

Identifying where the extra weight came from is the first step. I have personally embarked on a new journey to physical health and fitness after realizing that I’ve put on a few pounds over the past year. Before I could commence on working to lose the weight, I first had to ask myself “How did I accumulate this weight? What have I been putting into my body to cause this extra heaviness?” And those are the same questions you have to ask yourself. What or WHO is it that’s weighing me down?

> Insecurity (low self-esteem)

> Fear - God has not given us a spirit of fear…2 Timothy 1:7

> Depression - Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop…Prov 12:25

> Unforgiveness - Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die. It steals your joy, your peace, your sleep, and it breeds hatred, bitterness and strife.

> Other people’s problems - If helping others hurts you more, it is a weight and hindrance to your progress in life.

> Your past - If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Old things have passed away, behold ALL things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). The past is a chain that holds you hostage. It weighs upon you, keeping you bound and preventing you from moving forward. In Christ, you are free indeed (John 8:36). Forget the former things. Follow Paul’s example in Philippians 3:13 and forget those things that are behind you.

< Lack of faith - An inability to trust in God is a breeding ground for worry, anxiety, and stress.

> Wrong relationships - "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) Not that anyone is the devil, but sometimes we try to force a fit when it’s the wrong shoe altogether. Be mindful of the connections you make. Not everyone is traveling in the same direction as you.

•  Why are you carrying it around?

Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pains we bear. Jesus already carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders. We don’t have to. Yes, we all have our own cross to carry, but even in that, the burdens God gives are light. So why do we, day after day, lug around unnecessary weight? I find that the answer to that question is quite simple – we are comfortable with being uncomfortable. We’re “used to it” and confuse contentment with comfort. It makes me think about how the children of Israel, although they were being held back and in bondage in Egypt, they’d become so accustomed to their discomfort that they struggled with actually being delivered.

So many of us can be just like that. We simply get used to the weight, and we’ve learned so well how to dress it up and make it work, that we become oblivious to, or afraid of, the fact that we need to be made free. We carry it because we’ve made it a part of who we are, we are fearful of how life will be without it, and apprehensive about doing the actual work necessary to drop the weight. We carry it because it’s easier than letting go.

• Where has carrying it gotten you?

If your internal bag is filled with excess baggage, how much has it hindered you from being where you desire to be in life? Ask yourself, how much has holding on to No Good Joe delayed my process to being captured by Mr. Right? How have my insecurities prevented me from pursuing my educational, business, or career goals? How has the bitterness I have towards my absent father, abusive mother or ex-lover held me back from being open to receive love? How has solving everybody else’s problems drained me so that I’m unable to tackle my own? How has your internal baggage, your issues and hangups, kept you from advancing and growing in Christ? Extra weight slows you down, and I think if you’re honest, it’s safe to say that holding on to it has not gotten you very far.

•  How do you drop the weight?

You know, I’m so glad you asked! It takes exercise. Faith without works is dead, right? 1 Peter 5:7 says this, “Cast your cares (your burdens, your worries, your problems, your insecurities, your issues, the weight) upon the Lord. How do you cast your cares upon Him? You take every single thing to Him in prayer, you lay it at His feet, and you leave it there. It sounds easy, but trust me, I’ve had my own personal experiences with trying to drop emotional weight (unforgiveness, pornography, depression, fornication, fear, alcohol...), and I understand that it can seem quite difficult. But on my journey to emotional health, I learned this one thing – “this kind goes not out but by prayer and fasting.”

Sometimes you just have to turn your plate down, turn the tv off, log out of social media, turn your cell phone off, and get on your face before the Lord. The thing I love about God is He understands and we can be totally honest with Him. Tell him, Lord this is too heavy for me but I’m struggling to let it go. I know it’s hindering my progress in life and I wanna let it go, but I need your help. Help me to strip off this weight and leave it with you.

Then, there are times when we already know what we need to do to drop the weight, and crying before the Lord is not necessary. We already know we need to put Joe out of our house. We already know we need to stop gossiping on the phone with Sis. So & So. We already know we need to forgive our sister or brother and let go of the grudge. But in any case, we still need the Lord’s help.

We must consistently pray to be transformed by the renewing of our mind and learn to retrain and redirect our way of thinking. Sometimes our weight can just be stinky thinking…the woe is me mentality. But Philippians 2:5 says “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” And Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and are of a good report.”

•  Once you empty your internal bag, what do you fill it with?

The answer to this is quite simple and can be found in Galatians 5:22-23 – “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” We can never overfill on these.

Along this journey of life, because it is an uphill journey, it is imperative that we pack light. The enemy wants nothing more than to see you stuck in life, never reaching your full potential in Christ. But God is saying, I want to take you higher, but you’ve got to drop those weights that hold you down. His arms are outstretched saying, "Just give them to me. Give me your hurt, give me your pain, give me your insecurities, let go of that bitterness, give me that struggle, that secret addiction. Let me lighten your load so that you can run the race I’ve set before you."

Drop your weight as His feet.

From my heart to yours...

xoxo

Drop The Weight

I've recently embarked upon a new journey to health and fitness. I jumped off the wagon a little over a year ago, after a traumatic miscarriage left me depressed and despising my body.  I didn't receive the revelation until maybe a month ago, after a Facebook friend began sharing about a campaign she'd launched called The Break-Up. The goal behind the campaign is to encourage others to break up from those things that cause physical or emotional unhealthiness.

I knew that I'd put on a little weight over the past year, but I didn't really care much. But why didn't I care? Why wasn't I concerned about my health and weight gain? Why was I accepting of being spiritually healthy and physically unfit? How could someone who once exercised regularly be okay with not exercising at all?

I had an issue. A deep one that I didn't even realize I had, until The Break-Up encouraged me to examine myself. It was then that I went to God in prayer in search of why I'd let myself go physically. It was then that God revealed my issue to me.

I blamed my body for "malfunctioning" and failing to carry and birth a full-term baby. I felt like my body had failed me and let me down. Had it done what it was supposed to do, just as the previous three times, I would not have had to experience such a devastating loss. I blamed my body for my pain, and neglecting to care for it was my way of punishing it.

Why should I give love to the thing that hurt me?

As crazy as it may sound, it was my truth. When I realized what I'd been doing and how I truly felt about my body, I quickly repented to the Lord for failing to take care of His temple.

There I was, holding a grudge against my body and deliberately hurting it by choosing to neglect it. What I failed to realize, however, is that I was only hurting myself. After putting on roughly 25 pounds, developing a knee ache, and generally feeling unhealthy since last September, I knew it was time to make a change.

I've since let go of my resentment towards my body, and am only an active journey to becoming a healthier me.

None of this would be happening, however, had I not confronted the issue that was holding me back. If I'd failed to realize that I had a problem, dealt with it, and forgave, I'd still be stuck.

When we hold on to hurt, pain, and disappointment, we are the only ones who are hurt in the long run. It can be hard to forgive someone who has caused you much pain, but the longer you harbor that unforgiveness in your heart, the more you keep yourself bound to the thing that hurt you. When you're bound, you can't move forward.

Letting go doesn't lessen the impact of the hurt or excuse the wrong that was done to you, but it frees your heart and mind from captivity, removes excess weight - because unforgiveness is heavy - and allows you to progress in your life and become emotionally healthy.

Who do you need to forgive? What weight do you need to drop? Your mom? Your dad? Your ex? Your molester or rapist? Your supposed best friend or business partner? Yourself?  Insecurity? Dead relationship? Your past?

Whatever it is, it's not worth the emotional weight that it bears upon your heart. When you hold on to things, it dams up the flow of what you are able to receive.

When you hold on to pain, it blocks healing.
When you hold on to bitterness, it blocks joy.
When you hold on to unforgiveness, it blocks forgiveness from God.
When you hold on to hate, it blocks love.
When you hold on to weight, it blocks freedom.

Whatever it is, my friend, let it go. You deserve to be whole and healthy. Your issue may not be physical weight, but whatever it is that is weighing you down, will you turn over a new leaf with me and vow to strip it off? Together, we can do it. One day at a time. One step at a time. One prayer at a time.

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down..." (Hebrews 12:1) It's time to drop the weight.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo