The Hidden Struggle: Be Free

I was molested by a family member between the ages of 6-8. Because of that, my body was awakened to sex and sexuality much sooner than it should've been. At 12, I was introduced to pornography. I guess because of the seed that had been planted within me by my abuser, something inside of me was drawn to the images and dirty acts on the TV screen, and my body responded in a way that was confusing. Confusing, yet interesting. I was simultaneously intrigued and puzzled. I didn't understand what my body was feeling, and a part of me knew it was probably wrong, but in a strange way, I liked it. After the first viewing, I was hooked. The more I watched, the more my desire for it grew. Even when I wanted to turn away, I couldn't.

Before I realized it, I'd formed an addiction to it. Watching it became my stress-reliever, my stimulant and my depressant, it was my escape from the troubles of life.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, 15 years had passed, and there I was -- wife, mother, christian woman -- bound in the chains and guilt of a pornography addiction.

I wanted so badly to be free. My convictions had changed, and I knew it was displeasing to God and disrespectful to my husband. But still, even in my best efforts to stop, I found myself hiding away behind closed doors, indulging in my secret sin. I'd become instantly disgusted with myself for falling...again. But I was in so deep, I couldn't find that way of escape 1 Corinthians 10:13 speaks of.

I was a prisoner to it. Sucked in to its guilty pleasure. Its claws were embedded deep into my spirit.

I was so ashamed. I could never tell a sole.

My soul was begging to be free, but my mind was stuck in bondage. There were times when I felt like I just couldn't control the urges. The spirit of lust had greatly overtaken me.

I wish I could tell you that I finally enrolled myself into Porn Addicts Anonymous, followed a 12-step program, and successfully overcame. But that's not my testimony.

I fought tooth and nail for my freedom, and it was HARD.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I denied myself.
I overcame.

God took the taste from my mouth, and I'm three years free with no desire to look back.

Nobody's talking about this, but pornography addiction is alive and well among women -- among Christian women -- and many are struggling to break free.

Deliverance is possible and available for you. It takes fortifying your spirit with the word of God and through prayer, and in many cases, an accountability partner. It takes denying yourself when self-pleasure is screaming at you. It takes being committed to going through the process of withdrawal and doing whatever it takes to obtain your freedom. It takes forgiving yourself and understanding that when you confess your sins to The Father, He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you. It takes understanding that no matter how many times you've fallen, God will pick you up, dust you off and use you for His glory.

You can be free. You are free. Grab hold to it.

You can do all things through Christ's strength.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo