Open Cage, Broken Chains

I was once a prisoner of my pain, guilt, and shame. Year after year, instead of finding my way of escape, I fell deeper and deeper into the bondage of my hurt.

It shackled me. It crippled me. It consumed me.

I was a hurting woman, and I believed that was all I’d ever be. From the pain of molestation, to the guilt of sexual immorality, and the shame of using alcohol as a coping mechanism, I turned inward, and was well on my way to self-destruction. There was a part of me that wanted to be free from the past, but that part of me was buried so far beneath all of my deeply rooted pain that I could not hear its faint plea for help.

I wanted to be whole, but I only knew how to hurt. So I subconsciously chose to stick with what had become familiar to me. Oftentimes, we allow ourselves to get stuck in one area in our lives simply because we grow accustomed to being comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Though scripture tells us to be content in whatever state we are in, it does not instruct us to ever become complacent. Complacency is a handicap.

Just because you’ve experienced hardship for the majority of your life, does not mean you’re supposed to stay there for the remainder of your life. God only has you where you currently are for season.

If you feel bound by the remnants of the past and plagued by the pain of the present, I have a little encouragement for you.

Whatever you’ve been through, whatever you’re going through – whether it’s rape, divorce, abandonment, sexual immorality, molestation, abortion, substance abuse, past criminal history – whatever the case may be, you are more than your hurt. You no longer have to be held prisoner to the guilt of your past. Neither do you have to succumb to the lies of the enemy that says you will never be more than a woman filled with shame and pain.

God wants to turn your pain into purpose. He wants to reveal the beautiful jewel on the inside of you, and help you to realize your priceless value to the Kingdom. You are the daughter of a King; that alone makes you royalty. He desires for you to open your eyes to embrace the undeniable beauty you possess in Him.

It is not God’s pleasure to see His children suffer; that is not His plan for you. He’s only allowed you to experience the things you’ve encountered to prepare you for the ministry He will birth out of your pain.

You will not hurt forever. You can have a fresh start and move forward from your place of pain. Your new beginning does not lie in the date on the calendar, but it lies in the Man that holds your life in the palm of His hand. Your past is over in Christ; accept your freedom so that you may fulfill God’s divine purpose for your life. You are no longer bound; your chains have been broken. Christ has come to give you hope.

You're free to be healed.

You're free to be whole.

You're free to be happy.

You're free to be loved.

You're free to walk in purpose.

You're free to be everything God has pre-ordained you to be.

The cage is open. Your chains are broken. You are free. Fly.

From my heart to yours...

xoxo

Finding My Father: It Wasn't His Fault

If you've followed my writing for any length of time, then you know I grew up with an an absent father. You also know that I blamed him for every negative thing that ever happened in my entire life. In my mind, every single thing was his fault...


My low self-esteem.
My insecurities.
The sexual abuse.
My distorted understanding of love.
My struggle with sexual impurity.
My inability to trust men.
My unhealthy need for male attention.
My depression.
My suicidal thoughts.
My credit score (Not really! Ha!)...but you get the point.

 I used my father's absence as a scapegoat, and even blamed him for the hurt inflicted upon me by others, like the people who pained me were puppets maneuvered by his strings. I blamed my absent dad for EV-E-RY-THING! My reason for all of the bad choices I made in my life -- daddy issues. That was my story, and I stuck to it.

I wore my daddy issues excuse like a badge of honor, as if it gave me a pass for the pain caused by own reckless behavior.

Now, don't get me wrong, daddy issues are very real; however, we can only call daddy to the carpet for so long. At some point, the course of our lives becomes our own responsibility. At least that is what I personally believe.

But what every misfortune in my life really my daddy's fault? Truthfully, absolutely not.

The only thing I could validly fault him for is robbing me of the opportunity to know a father's love, and, because of that ignorance, causing me to look for such love in the wrong ways. But even in that, I totally forgive him, because I understand that the course of my life is much bigger than him failing to be a part of my life. God had a plan, and it has all worked for my good. I'm alright with that.

Retrospectively, through eyes of wisdom, I see that many of the pitfalls, pains, and problems in my life derived from the poor choices I personally made. That's nobody's fault but mine. I've matured enough to admit and accept that.

It wasn't daddy's fault. He simply played the role he was purposed to play in order for me to live out the purpose God planned for me. Now, his role, for this stage of my life has changed. He's no longer an absent non-participant; he's present...front and center, and released, by me, from all the blame I placed upon his shoulders.


Dear, Daddy:

I fully, totally, completely forgive you. You are not the cause of anything I experienced in my life...it was either by my choice, man's choice, or God's plan. I can now, at this point in my life, appreciate your absence (As crazy as it may sound!) because I understand that it was necessary in order for me to become the woman that I am today...and I happen to think I turned out quite alright!

No condemnation.
No blame.
No guilt.

Nothing but love.

xoxo
LaKeisha

Finding My Father: At First Meet

I barely got a wink of sleep that prior night. I had no reason to be awake, because my 5-week old daughter actually slept through most of the night. As a sleep-deprived mother, I should've jumped on that opportunity to get more than an hour of shut-eye in the span of a night.

But, nope. I was wide awake, anticipating the experience one of the biggest days of my life -- the day I'd finally, after 32 years, meet my father in the flesh.

So many emotions and thoughts were running through my psyche. I was simultaneously anxious, excited, nervous, apprehensive, and giddy. I mean, this was only the one thing I've played in my mind ever since I can remember.

I played the scene in my head repeatedly. I knew exactly how it'd go down. Went something like this:

See him.
Smile.
Run into his arms.
Bury my face in his shoulder.
Break into the ugly cry.
Hug him until he thought I was weirdly insane and had to pry my arms from around him.

Yep. That's exactly how I envisioned in my mind. I was ready.

But that's not quite how it happened.

I had such jitters as I pulled into the restaurant's parking lot. Although I had this scenario etched in my mind, honestly, I didn't know what to expect. On the phone, both he and his wife seemed like really warm people. We definitely had a connection...over the airwaves.

I wasn't 100% sure that we'd mesh, though, because I've had several experiences with connecting with someone while conversing over the phone or internet, and then getting a totally different (bad) vibe once meeting in person.

Would this be a disaster?! For the first time, I felt afraid.

But there was no backing out of this. I'd prayed too many prayers and waited too many years to turn back when I was right at the door of meeting my father. So I took a deep breath, exited the car, gathered up my daughter, and proceeded to the front of the restaurant.

As soon I turned the corner, our eyes and ours smiles greeted one another like familiar friends reconnecting after a long separation.

We were strangers, yet familiar.
Distant, but close.
Kindred spirits.

We hugged one another, and although it was an embrace I'd never known, it felt so...familiar. Like it was never missing.

It was right.
It was time.
It was perfect.

God's perfect timing.

As we sat, conversation came easy. We discussed many things. One thing I hadn't planned to bring up was why he wasn't there for me. I honestly didn't care to know. At this point in my life, I had accepted His absence, and during my healing process, God had revealed to me that his absence wasn't about my father rejecting me, but about THE Father protecting me.

What my dad would tell me next would further confirm that for me, and help me understand why it was best that he wasn't a part of my life.

"I want you to know that it wasn't about you," he said. "There was nothing wrong with you. There was something wrong with me."

He told me about how he was young and didn't have his head on straight. Typical absentee father excuses.

Okay. Fine. I'm alright with that if that's all you've got.

But there was more...a bigger reason. Something God chose to protect me from, and that meant he had to be absent.

Drugs.

"I was in a bad way on drugs," he told me, as his wife Mary nodded in agreement. That was all I needed to hear. It all made sense to me after hearing about his struggle with drugs.

I didn't need to be exposed to that. Under the influence of drugs, there's no telling what type of negative affect his presence would've had in my life. A present father addicted to drugs was not a part of God's plan for me. He had to shield me from that.

I'm actually thankful for his absence. I'd probably be a totally different person had I grown up with a drug-addicted father.

Yeah...good looking out, God. It gave me a brand new appreciation for the saying, "Man's rejection is God's protection." It is absolutely true.

We never know why God withholds certain things that we want from us. Most times, it's simply because, at the time that we want it, it's not in our best interest. God loves us too much to give us anything less than his best.

God waited until my dad came into the best of who He created him to be before allowing him to enter into my life. Isn't God amazing?!

Because it all happened it God's timing, at first meet, we developed an undeniable bond.

We laughed.
We talked.
We connected.
We loved one another.

At first meet...

My dad and me snappin' it up...selfie style!

After reading this, you're probably wondering why I didn't care to know why he chose not to be a part of my life (Yes, he was aware of my existence!). Well, I'll tell about that next time.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo
LaKeisha

Finding My Father Pt. 1

Daddy's girl -- the one title that probably every little girl in the world wishes to hold. At least I did. For me, though, as much as I wanted it, that just wasn't my reality. Like countless children, I was a fatherless child.

There was no one to accompany me to Father/Daughter school activities.

No dad to make colorful, crafty cards for on Father's Day.

No father to show me how a man was supposed to love me.

Nobody to chase my no-good boyfriends away or give them the third-degree before they could date me.

No daddy to walk me down the aisle and give me away when I married my husband.

Nope. None of that for me. My heart so desperately longed for the love, acceptance, attention, and foundation that only a father can give to their daughter. Growing up, I felt rejected, abandoned, and not good enough. In my mind, that was filled with so many unanswered questions, if I wasn't good enough for my daddy to want me, then no one else would want me either.

To say I had daddy issues would be an understatement. I blamed him for every wrong encounter I had with boys/men. I blamed him for all of my insecurities. I blamed him for my experienced with sexual abuse. I blamed him for my unhealthy desperation for attention from the opposite sex. I believed that had he been present and active in my life, he could have shielded me from all of the dysfunction and pain.

I hated him for his absence. But no matter how much I despised him for not being in my life, that longing for him never dulled. Despite the resentment, I still always wanted my daddy.

I remember at the age of 17 making some attempts to locate him. I knew his name, the state where he supposedly resided, and that he was in the military. With that, I took to the internet and found every name in the state of Louisiana that matched his. I penned a letter expressing that I was looking for my father, made copies, and mailed them to about 10 men that could've potentially been my father.

Nothing. Dead end. No results.

The search was so exhausting, and years passed before I ever searched again.

Nothing. Dead end. No results.

At that point, I gave up. As much as I desired to find my father, I accepted the fact that it just wasn't meant to be. Still, deep down inside, that longing for his presence - that desire to be daddy's little girl - would never die.

About a month ago, my desire to find my dad resurfaced with great urgency. It went something I wanted to do, to something I now felt like I had  to do. It's as if something was intensely pushing me to do it.

Not by chance, one of my mother's old friends - who was a mutual friend of my father's during the time they were together - popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook.

Definitely not ironic.

When I saw her, immediately I felt compelled to question her about my dad. I ignored that prompting though. I mean, I'd tried times before. What would be any different this time. The more I tried to ignore what I knew the Lord was leading me to do, the more I felt compelled to reach out and ask this woman if she knew anything about my father.

A month passed before I actually reached to her, but on January 4th, 2015 at 3:08AM, I sent her a message asking if she knew anything. I didn't what to expect, but her response sent chills through my body:

"My husband talks to him. I'll ask him when he gets home from work."  Just a few hours later, she sent me a message saying, "My husband spoke with your dad. Here's his number." 

I couldn't believe it! I stared at my phone with tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face, reading that message containing his phone number over and over and over again. Just like that, I was given access to my father.

It's amazing how we can work so hard and try to make things happen with no results. That happens most times because we are outside of God's timing. But when God says it's time, what was once hard becomes amazingly easy. Sweatless victory!

Back to the story...

"Babe, I got my daddy's phone number!" I yelled in excitement to my husband. He couldn't believe it either. "Look!" I said, showing him the message I received.

Smack dab in the middle of my excitement, fear stepped in.

Should I call? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if he rejects me? What if...what if...what if?

Before I could entertain those thoughts too long, my loving Heavenly Father spoke so sweetly to me. He simply said, "I'd dare not dangle your greatest desire in your face, only to have it reject you."

Feeling both excited and nervous, I called him. He answered. We greeted one another. Immediate laughter...and not the nervous kind.

Within seconds of being on the phone, we had an instant connection.

It wasn't awkward.
It wasn't forced.
It wasn't fake.
It was real. Genuine. Divinely orchestrated.

I was talking to my daddy!

I felt like a little girl...that little girl who always wanted her daddy. Finally, after 32 years, I had him...and he wanted me.

In that moment, I felt loved.
Accepted.
Validated.
Thankful.

The missing piece of my life had found its way to finally complete the puzzle. Mystery solved. Empty space in my heart filled.

God is so amazing!

He's so strategic in how He orchestrates our lives. Nothing is isolated; everything works together. I'd get a better understanding of that truth when we met face-to-face for the very first time in our lives on Monday, January 20, 2015...

My dad Pastor Ricky Simmons and me meeting for the first time.
The smiles on both of our faces say it all. It was a joyous moment...

I'll tell you all about our meeting in part 2... :-)

xoxo
LaKeisha

You Have A Sound Mind

I thought I was crazy. The kind of crazy that needs medication...or a straight-jacket. Maybe that's a bit extreme, but it's exactly how I felt.

The thoughts and voices in my head were so loud...so aggressive...so convincing. So often, I honestly thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't function properly. I was in a constant battle, fighting for inner peace.

Inside, I was chaotic. My mind was in a constant whirlwind, with crazy thoughts running around and around. I just wanted my thoughts to shut up. I wanted all of the voices to be silenced. But they just wouldn't stop. My mind was the devil's playground, and it was open 24/7.

I thought I'd have a mental breakdown. But it was during that time of my life that I got to know the Lord as a mind-regulator.

There were many times when all I could pray was, "Lord, help my mind." All day, every day, that was my simple prayer. And the Lord honored my request.

It wasn't easy, but with each passing day, I learned to take my racing thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ. I learned to cast down the enemy and fight Him off with the word of God. Some days, I was defeated, but I won more than I lost.

I had to work endlessly to reprogram my thoughts and do as Philippians 4:8 advises - "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

It was a challenge, but not impossible with God's help.

Turns out, I wasn't crazy or cursed. The enemy simply wanted me to think that I was so that I'd self-destruct and he could prevent me from becoming who God created me to be. He lost that battle.

It's the same thing he wants to do to you. But, as always, he's a liar.

You are not mentally unstable.

You are not crazy.

You will not have a breakdown.

You will not lose your mind.

You are not a nutcase, whacko, bi-polar or any other derogatory term he may try to convince you that you are.

You have the mind of Christ. You are perfectly sane. Your mind is peaceful. God has given you a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

Lord, keep Your daughter's mind. The enemy is wreaking havoc in her thoughts and her mind is on constant overload. She feels imbalanced, out of sorts, and is on the verge of breaking down. But right now, oh God, regulate her thoughts. Quiet the noise. Silence the internal voices. Bind the enemy and cancel his plan of taking her mind. Give her perfect peace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

xoxo

LaKeisha

Goodbye...Hello

Goodbye Pain,

 I've carried you long enough. Like a newborn baby nestled upon its mother's chest, you have found comfort in my life. Admittedly, I have found an uncomfortable comfort in you. Our attachment is not normal. I have to let you go.

Hello Healing,

I welcome you into my life. I've heard so many amazing things about you, but thought I was undeserving of something so precious. You've knocked on the door of my pain so many times, but I was too afraid to let you in. Too familiar with hurt to do the work of embracing something new. Now, I'm ready. I open my heart, I evict my pain, and I give you permission to reside.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Goodbye Insecurity,

Our relationship must end. You've kept me hidden and afraid to believe that I matter in even the smallest way. You've convinced me that I am incapable of being great, and for far too long, I have believed you. I am suffocating in your grip. I need to breathe. I'm breaking the chains and walking away from your bondage.

Hello Confidence,

I am so eager to familiarize myself with you. I hear that you are the ultimate self-esteem booster. I definitely need that. I'm ready to believe what I've read and been told for so long -- I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am the apple of God's eye. I am loved with an unconditional, everlasting love. I am God's masterpiece. I am beautiful and worthy of God's best. Yes, I'm ready. It may take me a minute to fully embrace you, but I am fully open to the strength you will bring to my life.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Goodbye Shame & Guilt,

How you've hindered me. I admit, I've been far from perfect and I've done some things that I wish to take to my grave, but your cloud of condemnation over my head is so heavy and dark. Yes, I've messed up -- more times than I care to recall - and you are a constant reminder of the wrong choices and actions in my life. I'm tired of living in darkness, blind to the possibility of living free from the ugliness of my past. I'm exhausted with beating myself up. I've had enough of blaming myself for the pitfalls in my life. It's time for us to go our separate ways.

Hello Freedom,

You are my breath of fresh air. I long for the freshness you will add to my life. I've been a prisoner to my past as long as I can remember, but I am ready to walk in your liberty. I am ready to live free from condemnation and lift my head above the messiness of yesterday. I give you permission to crush every chain, every thought, every shackle that has held me hostage. I am free!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Goodbye Old Habits & Mindsets,

I'm turning over a new leaf. My connection with you has had me circling the same mountain year after year after year, yet expecting to reach a new location. How insane! Though comfortable with you, you've gotten me absolutely nowhere, besides stuck. I'm done with you.

Hello Transformation,

"Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." I am ready to be transformed. I am ready for a new way of being. My old way hasn't worked, and I'm ready to cut ties with who I used to be in order to become who I'm supposed to be. I welcome the change, and I am committed to doing the work that is necessary to complete the process of transformation. I'm ready for a different, better me.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Too often, we cannot become all that God created, purposed, and designed us to be, because we have become comfortable with and stuck on the identity that life's circumstances have embedded within us. We desire change and we want better, but where we are hindered is in failing to cut ties with keeps us bound, and making room for what will set us free. If we desire to be a new creature, where old things pass away and all things become new (2 Corinthians 5:17), then it is imperative that we separate ourselves from the old.

It's a new year, and it is filled with God's grace to adapt to a new normal. You don't have to remain the way you've been, just because it's the way you've always been. No! As God's children, we are to grow from faith to faith, from glory to glory. What do I mean? We should ever evolve.

Declare today that this is where your toxic relationship ends with anything that hinders you from becoming everything God made you to be. You've dwelled long enough at this mountain. It's time to move.

Journal Activity: Create your own Goodbye...Hello list. As you itemize those things you desire to detach yourself from, detail one thing you will do to welcome the positive you desire to replace it with, and commit to actively working towards that goal. Find a scripture and write a specific prayer that will aid in spiritual encouragement as you endeavor to sever those ties. Work on one goal at a time (Rome wasn't built in a day!).

Happy New You!

xoxo
LaKeisha

A Designer's Original

Psalm 139:14 – “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

Genesis 1:31a – “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!”

If you’re a true fashionista, whenever you hear the term designer’s original, you probably think of some of the world’s top fashion designers, like Prada, Vera Wang, Oscar de la Renta, or Christian Louboutin. Their original designs, sold at top dollar value, have adorned the bodies, arms and feet of the highest-ranked celebrities in mainstream media…Beyonce, Halle Berry, Oprah Winfrey and the like. The work of these top designers is considered incomparable, and though their designs are often very closely replicated, not one duplication exactly reflects the designer’s original work. Though on the outside they can pass for the same piece, the original design has specific inner-stitching that no other designer can emulate. And at the end of the day, only the designer’s original is the real deal. It is the only masterpiece, and the only design that can fulfill the intended purpose set in the place by the one who created it.

Although those designer’s produce impeccable works of art, there is a designer –THE TOP designer – whose handiwork trumps them all. Who is that designer, you ask? Some call Him Abba, Jehovah, Elohim, Yahweh – that top designer is God. What is His greatest work? Pull out your mirror and there you will see. YOU are His greatest, most original and valuable design. According to Psalm 139:13, In your mother’s womb, He meticulously knitted you together and made all of the delicate, innermost parts of your body. According to Genesis 1:27, He created you in His own image and likeness, to be a reflection of the perfection He embodies. And according to Jeremiah 29:11, as He designed you, He did so with a plan in mind, a plan that leads you to a future and a hope. You are not merely a result of the physical connection between your father and mother, but you are a strategically produced masterpiece, designed by the Creator of the world, and purposed to fulfill God’s specific, predestined plan for your life. You were created on purpose, for purpose.

You possess an inner-stitching, which consists of your character, personality, gifts, calling and anointing, that sets you apart in a world of look-alikes. There is no need to desire to duplicate, replicate or emulate any other person upon this earth, because the only thing you are wired, or originally designed to be, is YOU. There is no one on this earth to whom you must measure up to, because God created no other person exactly like you. No other person in this world sets the standard for who should be, for every detail of who you are is tailor-made to fit the specific purpose God designed for you.

When you understand that you are a designer’s original, you will realize that you are not, nor will you ever be, a cheap substitute for the next best thing. You ARE the best thing. You are the only one of your kind. No one can sing like you, teach like you, preach like you, mother like you, think like you, lead like you, wife like you, dance like you, or create like you. It’s simply impossible. Though, as children of God, we share the same purpose in being a showcase for God’s glory, the way in which God has designed us to carry it out is unique, and leaves absolutely no room for comparison, criticism, or competition.

When you feel worthless, remember that a designer’s original has priceless value, because it is the only one of its caliber.

When you feel like you don’t fit in, remember than an original design is purposed to stand out among the crowd.

When you feel inferior or not as good as the rest, remember that every person to the left and right of you, regardless of their status in life, is an original design just like you. It’s impossible to compare.

When you feel unimportant, remember that the Ultimate Creator fearfully and wonderfully designed you with a specific purpose in mind that no other person in the world can fulfill.

From the uneducated woman to the one with many degrees…

From the unwed mother to the one living the American Dream…

From the promiscuous woman to the preacher woman…

From the abused woman to the one who’s never been touched…

You are one of a kind, created by the Master with great purpose in mind. You are a reflection of God’s beauty, a precious picture of His grace, and a jewel in His eyes. Despite where this life has taken you, the fact yet remains – you are a designer’s original and your value will never depreciate. Marvelous are God’s works.

This, your soul should know full well.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

The Hidden Struggle: Be Free

I was molested by a family member between the ages of 6-8. Because of that, my body was awakened to sex and sexuality much sooner than it should've been. At 12, I was introduced to pornography. I guess because of the seed that had been planted within me by my abuser, something inside of me was drawn to the images and dirty acts on the TV screen, and my body responded in a way that was confusing. Confusing, yet interesting. I was simultaneously intrigued and puzzled. I didn't understand what my body was feeling, and a part of me knew it was probably wrong, but in a strange way, I liked it. After the first viewing, I was hooked. The more I watched, the more my desire for it grew. Even when I wanted to turn away, I couldn't.

Before I realized it, I'd formed an addiction to it. Watching it became my stress-reliever, my stimulant and my depressant, it was my escape from the troubles of life.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, 15 years had passed, and there I was -- wife, mother, christian woman -- bound in the chains and guilt of a pornography addiction.

I wanted so badly to be free. My convictions had changed, and I knew it was displeasing to God and disrespectful to my husband. But still, even in my best efforts to stop, I found myself hiding away behind closed doors, indulging in my secret sin. I'd become instantly disgusted with myself for falling...again. But I was in so deep, I couldn't find that way of escape 1 Corinthians 10:13 speaks of.

I was a prisoner to it. Sucked in to its guilty pleasure. Its claws were embedded deep into my spirit.

I was so ashamed. I could never tell a sole.

My soul was begging to be free, but my mind was stuck in bondage. There were times when I felt like I just couldn't control the urges. The spirit of lust had greatly overtaken me.

I wish I could tell you that I finally enrolled myself into Porn Addicts Anonymous, followed a 12-step program, and successfully overcame. But that's not my testimony.

I fought tooth and nail for my freedom, and it was HARD.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I fell.

I cried.
I fasted.
I prayed.
I denied myself.
I overcame.

God took the taste from my mouth, and I'm three years free with no desire to look back.

Nobody's talking about this, but pornography addiction is alive and well among women -- among Christian women -- and many are struggling to break free.

Deliverance is possible and available for you. It takes fortifying your spirit with the word of God and through prayer, and in many cases, an accountability partner. It takes denying yourself when self-pleasure is screaming at you. It takes being committed to going through the process of withdrawal and doing whatever it takes to obtain your freedom. It takes forgiving yourself and understanding that when you confess your sins to The Father, He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you. It takes understanding that no matter how many times you've fallen, God will pick you up, dust you off and use you for His glory.

You can be free. You are free. Grab hold to it.

You can do all things through Christ's strength.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

You're Already Beautiful

When is the last time you looked in the mirror and admired how beautiful you are? No, I'm not talking about the mirror that hangs on your wall. Neither am I referring to your hair or your hips, your curves or cute clothes, your bust or your butt. 

 Nope!

The mirror that I speak of is GOD. Itt was in His image that you were created. The reflection you see when you stand face to face with yourself should be His, not the superficial definition of beauty that's been shoved down your throat by mainstream media and pop culture. You see, the thing that makes you beautiful cannot be purchased from a shelf. It's not in the MAC makeup, but in the divine makeup in which you were created by The Man above. It's not in the clothes you wear, but in the work of the cross Jesus had to bear. It's not in the lashes you place upon your eyes, but in the lashes that were placed upon Jesus' body. It's not even in those red bottoms, but in the red blood that was shed just for you.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being fly and fabulous. But again, that's not where your true beauty lies.

Your beauty has nothing to do with your childhood history. It's not connected to the abuse you suffered or the father that never showed you love. It's not at all contingent upon how much your mother failed to love you or the rejection you faced from your peers. It's not even about the number of men you've had sex with or any of the sexual struggles you've had. Neither is your beauty indicative upon how many men lust after you or the number of likes connected to your social media pictures. And it's not about how well you "twerk", or "werk" overtly revealing clothes.

Here's the thing...

Long before your parents ever even met, God knew you. Before you were ever a tiny little fetus growing in your mother's womb, God chose you. Before your heart ever made its first beat, God loved you. Before the foundation of the world, He gave you purpose.

He formed you - even your innermost parts - in His perfect image and to His liking. He shaped you perfectly for the purpose in which He created you. (Yes, you have purpose!) He laid out every detail of your life - even those things that you hate about yourself - and, by His hands, made you His masterpiece. You are the apple of His eye.

You are beautiful because you were created in the Spirit of a beautiful God. You are beautiful because you are a daughter of royalty. You are beautiful because God loved you SO much that He sacrificed His son just for you. You are beautiful because God has good plans for your life.

When is the last time you looked at yourself through God's eyes to see your true beauty?

All of those things that society says makes a woman beautiful can only mildly enhance the exterior of what is already perfectly made. It's what's within you - placed by God - that displays your true beauty.

You don't have to be hot, when God has created you to be holy.

You don't have to have certain clothes, when God has clothed you in righteousness.

You don't need compliments, when God gives you love without conditions.

Clothes, shoes, makeup, all of that is great. The problem is that those things can be stripped away, and with it, take your store-bought beauty. But when it comes to the beauty that was placed upon and within you by God, nothing and no one can take it away from you. 

Take the stress and pressure off of yourself and know this -- Your beauty is intricately wrapped in the divine design of your creation. It is in the combination of splendid qualities placed within you by the hands of The Heavenly Father before He formed you in your mother’s womb. You are God’s workmanship, His masterpiece, and everything He creates is lovely. His image sets the standard for your beauty, and His image is perfectly beautiful; therefore, so are you.

Fashion yourself after the Spirit of the Lord and clothe yourself in holiness, righteousness, love, peace, and joy. Adorn yourself with a life of worship and prayer. Measure yourself next to the Word of God, and in those areas where you don't quite line up, ask for His grace and strength to alter what is necessary.

You're already beautiful. No mirror or magazine cover can define that; only God.

Embrace THAT beauty.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

(Scripture References: Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13-17; Ephesians 2:10; Ephesians 1:4; Genesis 1:27;31; Isaiah 61:10).

Get Over Yourself & Grow

I believe that the Lord is ready to raise His daughters up, but He needs us to move past our past, get over ourselves, and stop making excuses.  This was a serious process for me, but over the past few years the Lord has tremendously moved by His power in my life, and I've healed, been delivered and grown in ways I thought unimaginable for myself. After so many year of being a prisoner of bondage to depression, sin, low self-esteem (And the list goes on!), at the close of 2009, I declared that I would not continue on another year with life as I knew it and made a conscious decision to relentlessly work towards becoming the woman God created me to be.  

Because of what I have seen the Lord do for me personally, I am fully convinced that it does not matter how low you sink, how dark your past, or how great your sin, God will clean you up, and use you for His glory.  If He could do that for me, I know He’ll do it for you.

So where do you start?  I’m glad you asked. This is exactly what I had to do...

1. Move past your past.  Your past is only a prelude to the story of your life.  If you allow yourself to get stuck there, you will never find out how the remainder of the story unfolds.  What happened yesterday does not define who you can be tomorrow, so as much as it may hurt or as shameful as you may feel, there is life beyond it.  It is absolutely impossible to walk forward and look backwards at the same time.  In the Message Bible, Isaiah 43:18 says “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history…I’m about to do something brand new.”  Break free from the chains of your past through the power of Jesus Christ, and allow the Lord to do something new in your life.

2. Get over yourself.  Now before you roll your eyes at me for telling you to get over yourself, hear me out. This was a hard one for me, because I often felt like nobody had it worse than me.  You know, the whole woe is me attitude.  I had it bad.  But you know what?  Life happens to everyone; not just you.  God hasn’t singled you out to be picked on by the happenings of life.  You’re not the only one who was molested.  You’re not the only one who never had a father or mother.  You’re not the only one who had a baby out of wedlock.  You’re not the only one struggling with addictions.  It’s not just about you.  Realizing this helps you to turn down the invitation to that pity party you keep getting invited to.  At least it did for me.  Once you understand that the things that happen in your life are not designed as a personal attack against you, but are purposed to build and develop you, I think you’ll learn to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Self-pity will begin to cease, and progression towards moving forward can begin.

3. Stop making excuses.  It’s as simple as that!  The enemy will always give you reasons why you can’t move forward in life.  He definitely gave me plenty.  But at some point, you have to stop believing what he says about you, and believe what God says.  I want you to erase the following phrases from your mind and vocabulary:

I can’t…
I would but…
It’s just not meant for me…
This is just who I am…

Those are all excuses.  Replace them with positive affirmations.

I can…
I will…
There’s more for me…
I don’t have to stay this way…

You can do ALL things through Christ who gives you strength. (Philippians 4:13)  In Christ, there are no excuses, because with Him nothing is impossible.

Purpose in your mind that this will be the last year that you allow yourself to be anything less than who God has destined you to be.  Resolve in your heart that you are going to make the first step towards moving forward, make strides towards tapping into and maximizing the potential that God placed within you before the foundation of the world, and commit to the process.

May you be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may rise higher in life and in the Lord.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

Giving Up Is Not God's Option For You

I have experienced my fair share of distress, disdain, and discomfort throughout my life.  Like many other women, molestation and the absence of my father - among the plethora of bad choices I made - led me into a life of sexual immorality, addiction, depression, and low self-esteem.  I had sunken so low, and become so accustomed to my hard-knock life, that when I finally reached a place where I actually wanted to get a grip on my downward spiraling life, it proved to be too challenging.  Praying was easy, but believing that I’d ever see the answers to my pleas for help, hope, and healing was extremely difficult.

There were times when it seemed that the more I prayed and tried to make steps towards a better life, something would always happen to knock me backwards.  Constantly being knocked down by the blows of life caused me to feel that giving up and accepting that things were as good as they were going to ever be, would be much easier than walking a path of faith that seemed to get me nowhere close to my land flowing with milk and honey.

The more depressed I became, the more I convinced myself that I’d be better off throwing in the towel.  But no matter how much I wanted to quit, or how often I cried “Lord, I give up” I am so thankful that His mercy kept me when I didn’t want to be kept.

Had I given up during those tough seasons, I never would have known the beauty of God’s plans for my life.  I would have missed out on seeing the Lord’s promise to give me hope and a future becoming manifest in me. Although my current journey is neither perfect, nor devoid of challenging circumstances, I am confident that just as He has already proven, God will continue to be faithful to perfect everything that concerns me.

When I compare my today to my yesterday, I realize that it would have been crazy of me to give up back then.  My sufferings back then do not compare to the glory that God daily reveals to me through His purpose for my life.  Giving up was once definitely an option I wanted to choose for myself, but I am thankful that it was not the one God intended for me.

Neither is it what He intends for you.

Life gets hard for everyone; none of us are exempt.  And sometimes the storm can become so boisterous that you’d rather be swept away with the wind than try to fight through it.  But today I’ve come to encourage you to keep pressing onward; don’t give up.  It may not seem like it right now, but it will get better.  If you give up now, you’ll miss out on all of the wonderful works the Lord intends to do in, through, and for you. The very same God that brought me through (And continues to do so!) some of the toughest of times will do the same thing for you; He has no respect of persons.

Consider Hannah.  If she had allowed her years of barrenness to cause her to give up on her desire to bare children, she never would have experienced the joy of birthing Samuel. (1 Samuel 1:1-28)

Consider the woman with the issue of blood.  After twelve years of hemorrhaging and spending all of her money trying to find a cure that was of no avail, she could have given up and accepted that there was no hope for her ever being healed. But she didn’t. She kept the faith and pressed her way to Jesus. Because she didn’t give up, she was made whole. (Mark 5:25-35)

Consider Job.  He lost everything he had, and was sorely afflicted from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet.  He could have cursed God and died during his challenging season; instead, he decided to fight through it, and wait until his change would come.  Because he never gave up, the Lord fully restored him and gave him double for His trouble. (Job 42:10-17)

No matter where you are, or what you’re facing right now, please do not give up in the face of hard times. Better days are ahead.  Do not allow the enemy that comes in the form of frustration, weariness, and hopelessness, steal, kill, or destroy the abundant life God has promised to you.  He that began the good work in you is faithful to perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

Endure hardness as a good soldier (2 Timothy 2:3), and as Philippians 4:6 (The Message) says, “Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”

In your own strength you will fail, but if you connect to The Power Source, Jesus Christ, His strength will become perfect in your weakness.  His grace is sufficient and His strength will help you to hold on. Whatever you do, don’t give up.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

Learn To Dance In The Rain

Whenever I believe that something I’m going through or have learned from things I’ve experienced can help someone, I don’t mind coming out of my private shell and allowing myself to be transparent.  Though we all have different troubles and struggles, I believe there is commonality among us all, and we can learn from and gain strength from one another.

So, as I sometimes do when I feel led, some time ago I opened up to my family of Facebook friends and shared a piece of my heart from my personal journal in hopes of encouraging someone along their journey.  This is what I wrote:

Ever since that heart-wrenching day in September when I saw our baby's lifeless little body on the sonogram screen, life has been a real challenge. Loss, struggle, pain, lack, depression, and sickness have knocked on my door, and MANY days and nights I've cried in despair. I've wanted to tell God that if I have to go through such a pit just to be more of who He's called me to be and to receive His promises to me, I'd rather just give it all up. I've wanted to say, “If the anointing costs me this much, you can keep it!” But if there's one thing I'm perfectly sure of, it's that even when I don't like what He's doing, I genuinely love the Lord and I trust that He causes all things to work for my good.

It has been a tough season and the enemy has come to detour, discourage, and destroy me in SO many ways. But in the midst of it ALL, I can testify that God has held me together and is continually pulling me through. Without His amazing grace, I'd have lost my mind. But thanks and glory to God who NEVER gives us more than we're able to bear and helps us in times of weakness.

I shared this to say that no matter what you're going through, YOU CAN MAKE IT. It may be some of the hardest challenges you've ever experienced, and you might cry, lose sleep, and feel like giving up. But if you stay with God and hold firmly to His unchanging hand, He will bring you through the flaming fire unscathed.

You have to learn to praise God for the rainbow while right in the middle of the storm. You have to decide that no matter what He takes you through, no matter what you lose, no matter how much you have to hurt, you are STAYING with the Lord. Why? Because your worst days with Him are still better than your best days without Him. Though the winds may blow forcefully against you, you should declare ”I shall not be moved!” That's my stance and I'm sticking to it! Be encouraged, friends; seasons change. For now, embrace where you are, extract the lessons, and dance in the rain! 

It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one having tough times, but you’re not.  The best of us experience hardship; none of us are exempt.  And sometimes, life can become so challenging that you feel like giving up would be a better option than trying to hang tough and go through so much hurt, pain, struggle, and disappointment.  But as children of God, we weren’t designed to give up.  You and I are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ (Romans 8:37).  That means, not only do we overcome every obstacle, but we emerge from it much stronger than we were before sustaining it.

You can make it through anything that comes your way. How?  Through God's grace, strength, and power. That’s why it’s imperative to not allow unfavorable circumstances to push you away from God.  Despite how the enemy may play on your emotions or cause you to feel like things will never get better, stay with God.  If it’s one thing we all know for sure, it is that the devil is a liar and there is no truth in him.
If you keep your feet planted upon the Lord, the Solid Rock will hold you steady.  If you keep your hand in His, He will surely lead you through the valley.  And even when the rain is pouring down, He will keep you covered. Just praise Him through it. I’m not telling you what I heard, but this is what I know because He’s done it for me time and time again.

So go ahead and go through.  Go ahead and praise God for the rainbow even though all you see right now is clouds.  Go ahead and dance in the rain as if the sun was shining.  No matter the challenges of your current season, everything is going to be alright.

Don’t be moved by what you see or how you feel; God is still faithful to perfect every single thing that concerns you (Psalm 138:8).

From my heart to yours...

xoxo

Quit Worrying & Trust God

Life can be filled with so much uncertainty.  I’ve definitely found myself wondering what’s next, how things will work out, or if the current season of my life will ever truly make sense.  Just a few days ago I felt such heaviness upon me, brought on by my redundant worrying and trying to figure out all the things I don’t particularly understand about my life right now.

I’m an over-analyzer.  I’ve got it pretty bad.  I’m always thinking and analyzing, and thinking and analyzing some more.  And when I can’t completely figure things out, it sometimes drives me insane.  Or in some cases, weighs me down.

That’s what happened a few days ago.

I’d spent days trying to understand how my now would connect with my next.  I was frustrated, questioning God, feeling overwhelmed, and even shed a few tears.

After about three days of my thoughts playing ring around the rosie in my mind, the weight of it all made me fall down.  Emotionally, that is.  Right there in my room, sitting on the floor between the bed and the wall, I had a God-what-are-you-doing-in-my-life-this-doesn’t-make-sense tantrum.  I’m talking an all out hissy-fit! Tears, yelling, the whole nine.

You should’ve seen me.

Well, maybe not.  But I was a mess, you hear me?!

I told God all about how I felt like the things He’s allowing to happen in my life and all He’s taking me through in this season are all wrong.  “Nothing’s going right!” I blurted through sobs. But He quickly put me in check.  He said to me, “Nothing is wrong with what I’m doing in your life.  It’s the way you perceive it that’s twisted.  I do all things well.”

Ouch!  Instant conviction.

And He didn’t stop there.  He also said, “I never gave you the responsibility of having to figure out how things will work out in your life.  You took that on by choice.  Only I know the plans I have for you, and every single thing I allow in your life, whether you like it or not, works for your good according to my perfect plan, not yours.  Oh ye of little faith.”

Double ouch!

That tantrum quickly turned into tears of repentance.

How could I claim that I love the Lord, I trust Him, and I live by faith, yet doubt His faithfulness just because I’m not fond of His methods?  How could I profess that I trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not to my own understanding, while sending myself into panic over those things I don’t understand?  How could I declare that the Lord will perfect everything that concerns me, but call foul when things seem so imperfect?

Yes, I’m human – as we all are – and feelings are natural and very real.  But should there ever be a time when my feelings override, and almost obliterate, my faith to the point that I’m worrying myself crazy over things I can’t control?  Not if I truly trust God.

The last thing God spoke to me during my time of weakness was this simple, yet profound truth – “I never once asked you to figure it out.  I’ve already worked it all out.  All I ask is that you trust me.”

At this moment, I have renewed confidence in the Sovereign God, whose thoughts and ways are much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9), and has chosen me to be a joint-heir and share in the glory of His son, Jesus Christ (Romans 8:17).  He's promised me - us - victory, so every thing will be just fine.

There’s no reason to get lost in uncertainty when you serve a God who is certainly faithful to fulfill every promise He’s spoken to you.
 
Join me in affirming, “Lord, I trust You.”

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

Stop Circling That Mountain

During a recent personal Bible study, the Lord led me to Deuteronomy 1:6-8.  It says this:

“The LORD our God spake unto us in Horeb, saying, Ye have dwelt long enough in this mount: Turn you, and take your journey, and go to the mount of the Amorites, and unto all the places nigh thereunto, in the plain, in the hills, and in the vale, and in the south, and by the sea side, to the land of the Canaanites, and unto Lebanon, unto the great river, the river Euphrates. Behold, I have set the land before you: go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give unto them and to their seed after them.”

For my sister who feels stuck in a particular area of her life, there are four words I believe the Lord wants me to tell you:  It’s been long enough.

I know what it’s like to feel bound by your issues, and to continue circling the same mountain month after month, and year after year.  As we have entered into a new year, my prayer is that you will realize that you have dwelt long enough in your barren place, and it’s time to get up, go in, and possess the land that the Lord has promised to you.  I don’t know what your mountain is.  It could be depression, sickness, fear, poverty, or addictions, but the Lord is saying that it’s time to take hold of what is rightfully yours – healing, deliverance, peace, wealth, freedom, purpose.
 
It’s so easy to become comfortable with being uncomfortable when discomfort seems to be your norm.  But that’s a trick of the enemy.  That’s just one of the ways he tries to keep us bound, and hinder us from being and possessing all that God has destined for us.  But as I often like to say, the devil is a liar.  He kept me going in circles for a long time, but once I grabbed hold to the word of God, and clothed myself in His armor, I got a little fight in me and chose to take back all that the devil had stolen from me, or hindered me from.  It had been long enough.

Taken from the above scripture passage, there four actions I’d like to expound on:  Turn, take your journey, go in, and possess the land.

1. Turn –  I believe that change must first take place in the mind.  In order to turn, or shift, from where you are to where you desire to be, you must first be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).  As your mind transforms, it will help you to not focus so much on the problem (mountain), but rather the solution (promised land).

2. Take your journey – I believe that the problem with a lot of us is that we are afraid of the journey.  We are scared of what we will have to face as we transition from one place to the next.  Transition is never easy.  It often causes us to have to deal with deep pain or ugly truths, and to separate ourselves from things or people that aid in us being stuck where we are.  It’s definitely hard, but the key to being free from the things that have us bound is facing the truth, and know when to let go and/or walk away.  It’s important that we embrace the journey, because along the way it builds our strength, and strength is a vital factor when it comes to possessing what God has in store for us.  It won’t be a cakewalk, but embrace the journey.  It brings you that much closer to walking into your promised land.

3. Go In – Now, before you go in and possess your land, I think it’s important that you take some time and go in your prayer closet and the Word of God.  Prayer strengthens us, and the Word of God shields us (Ephesians 6:11-18).  There is no way we can go against the enemy without God.  Our words and our own strength will keep us defeated, but when we clothe ourselves in the Word of God, and strengthen ourselves through prayer, we have the perfect ammunition to fight against the enemy.  We’ve got to have our war clothes on.

4. Possess the Land – “And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.” (Matthew 11:12)  It’s as simple as that – you’ve got to take it by force.  First you’ve got to want it, and when you want it bad enough, you’ll get mad enough to snatch everything God has for you right out of the enemy’s hand.  Sure, he’s going to fight you, but that’s okay because you have power over the enemy (Luke 10:19).  Take what belongs to you!

Declare today that it’s been long enough, and make up in your mind that you will no longer dwell at your mountain and allow it to keep you from what God has for you.  Resolve in your heart that this is the year, the month, the day, the hour that the cycle of circling ends.  There is such abundant life in the reaches for you.  You don’t have to continue to sit back and watch everyone else walk into their promised land while you’re stuck in the same place.  As Jesus said to the man at the pool of Bethesda, Will thou be made whole? Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.  It’s been long enough; possess your land.

Forgive: It Only Hurts You

Have you ever disliked something so strongly that the mere mention of it made you cringe, or been so deeply hurt that you couldn't move past the pain? I have...plenty. This one time in particular, it was something, it was someone.  Truthfully, I hated this person.  For years, she had been blatantly disrespectful and condescending towards me.  Instead of nipping things in the bud in the beginning stages, I harbored feelings of hurt and allowed them to turn to bitterness; my bitterness led to unforgiveness; unforgiveness formed hatred.

My hatred towards her had gotten so bad that I sometimes found myself having evil thoughts about her.  I felt that she had insulted and infuriated me far too many times without showing a fraction of remorse; therefore, she did not deserve my forgiveness. As a Christian I knew this was wrong, (I studied all of the scriptures concerning unforgiveness.) but I couldn’t seem to get over my feelings.  I could not open my heart and forgive her.

I’ll spare you all the details, but I will share this – She had no clue about my feelings towards her, so at the end of the day, I was the one who suffered.  She didn’t feel the pain of my hatred towards her, I did.  I suffered spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I was the one losing sleep, stressing, going to the altar every Sunday, and feeling disconnected from God because of my inability to forgive.  At this point, it was no longer about her; I had to look inward.

I had to decide whether I was going to continue to allow my flesh to rule my heart, or tap into the God within me and love her with the love of Christ.  Needless to say, I chose the latter; however, it wasn’t easy.  My heart was willing, but my mind put up a fight.  It took A LOT of praying to break that unforgiving spirit which had festered in my heart.  I didn’t forgive her for her sake, but for my own.  I needed to be free.  And trust me, there is such freedom in forgiveness.

Perhaps you’ve been deeply hurt by someone, and you’re finding it quite challenging to offer forgiveness.  If you think about it, it’s pointless to hold a grudge, because the only person it really affects is you.  There’s a quote I like. It says, "Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die."

Let that soak in for a moment.

Who are you truly hurting?

Unforgiveness makes you bitter and angry, and prohibits you from sharing the genuine love of Christ.  There are three things you can do for someone who wrongs you, that will free your heart and mind: forgive them; pray for them; love them.  No, it’s not always easy to do, but it’s definitely the righteous thing to do.

Choose today to no longer allow unforgiveness to rest in your heart.  Besides, if you can't offer forgiveness, how can you expect to receive forgiveness from God? Let’s pray:

Lord, forgive me for not operating in the spirit of forgiveness as your word commands.  I ask that you would help me release the offender, and the offense, that caused me pain, heal my heart and renew my mind so that I may show the same love and forgiveness towards them that you have shown towards me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Daddy Issues: God Always Knows Best

"I spent a great deal of my life searching for something to fill the void of not having my father around.  I turned to sex, pornography, and, eventually, alcohol, desperately seeking to feel whole. But all those vices did was add to my emptiness and made me feel worse about myself.  Wandering aimlessly through life, I felt worthless, and in my eyes, there was nothing good for my life." (Excerpt from "Beautiful Me: 21 Days to Embracing Your Beauty Within) 

For me, not having my father in my life was hard...very hard.  Life devoid of his love and protection left me vulnerable to things I probably never would have experienced had he been there.  Perhaps I would have never been introduced to things like molestation, promiscuity and low self-esteem.  Maybe I would have known that I was worth more than to be used to fulfill a man's lustful desires.  Or maybe, just maybe, I would have avoided a 15-year addiction to pornography, trying to deal with the pain of his absence.

For so many years, I blamed my father for all of the misfortunes in my life.  Everything was his fault.  Everything...because he dropped the ball on his responsibility to love, nurture, and protect me.

How could he leave his little girl all alone?  How could he not care that she'd never know the true love of a father?  How could he abandon me when all I ever wanted was his presence in my life?  How could he neglect such a precious gift -- his own child?

I didn't have the answers to those questions back then, but as I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, I have gained new insight on my father's absence.

Although it was his choice, ultimately, it was God's will.

Yes, I would've given anything to have my father in my life - still would - however, I have learned to trust that even in not-so-great situations, God knows what's best for me. Who's to say that my father's presence would have made my life better? Who's to say that he even knew how to be a good father to me? It's possible that things could've been worse had he been there. Who knows?

I once hated him for abandoning me, but that was before I understood that God causes all things to work for my good. His absence created a bigger space for God's presence. How can I be mad about that?

If I really think about it, I was never without my Father.  Where my natural father left me, my Heavenly Father loved me.

God has both healed that pain and filled that void, and now I can honestly confess that I love my father. Wherever he may be in this life, I honor him because he was a part of God's plan to produce my existence. Without the part he played, I wouldn't be able to fulfill God's amazing purpose for my life.

The ugly things I experienced in life were not my father's fault; it was simply all necessary to bring God's purpose for me to life.  I needed those experiences so that He could use my testimony as encouragement for other women.  It had to happen.

You may not always understand why you've had to go through certain things, and you may even feel that others are to blame for the unfortunate circumstances in your life, but here is something that I've learned:

God works in ways we know nothing about and cannot comprehend. You may not understand the why behind what you've experienced or what you're currently going through, but God, in His infinite wisdom,  is in total control of it all.  He will carry you through the tough times and use what seemed to be for your demise to lead you to His place of destiny for your life.  Romans 8:28 is true, my friend...God causes ALL things to work together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.  The opposition you face in life are opportunities to draw closer to God and receive an outpour of His Spirit, strength, grace and peace.  It was, or is, a part of God developing your story to be used for His glory. 

Every pain, every heartache, every disappointment has all been purposed to work in your favor.  All things work together...

From my heart to yours,
LaKeisha
xoxo

A New Year's Prayer

As this year of 2013 comes to a close in just a few hours, I am grateful for how the Lord has kept, covered, protected, preserved, strengthened, developed and matured me. I've seen some tough days, but none of them compare to the goodness of the Lord I've witnessed in spite of it all. If you're reading this, I'm sure you can share the exact same testimony.

As we embark upon the start of 2014, I think it's only befitting that we do it in prayer.

Join me in praying today...

Lord, I thank you for bringing me through another year.  Though I have faced my fair share of pain, trouble and turmoil,and many times I wanted to give up, You have kept me in the midst of it all. I've won some battles; others, I've lost. I've been hurt, and I've caused hurt. I've been up, down, and everything in-between, but I give you praise because I am still standing. The enemy desired to sift me as wheat, and I could have easily been consumed, but Your mercy covered, preserved and protected me. I'm grateful. As I say goodbye to this year, though not always an easy pill to swallow, I appreciate the lessons I've learned, the wisdom I've obtained, and the strength I've gained. Though many obstacles came to beat me down, I realize that I am stronger, better, and more equipped to handle whatever comes my way as I continue along my journey through life. I ask now that You would heal every hurt, right every wrong, destroy every yoke of bondage, lift every burden, and loose every shackle that would hinder me from becoming, doing, and obtaining all that You have destined for me in the coming year. Transform me by the renewing of my mind, that I may not conform to this world, but to Your principles of holiness and righteousness. Draw me closer to Your Spirit, deeper in Your word, and nearer to Your heart. Help me to walk in the power You have given me through Jesus Christ, the power that enables me to tread upon serpents, cast down the enemy, and thrive in You. Restore unto me the years that I have lost and everything that the enemy has stolen from me. Disconnect me from all negative ties, and connect me with those who will encourage the champion in me. Above all, keep me close to Your bosom, rooted in Your word, planted in Your will and embedded upon Your heart. May Your wisdom and grace lead me as I acknowledge You in all of my ways. May Your goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. In Jesus' name, Amen.

In this new year, may you be empowered to move onward and upward.

Blessings to you, and Happy New Year!

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

25 Gifts Discovered In The Pit: Gift #1 The Blessing of Affliction

Living life for Christ does not excuse any of us from experiencing challenging, troubling times. Psalm 34:19 tells us that the righteous will encounter many afflictions. Being a good person or following God’s principles of holy living does not give anyone an exemption from a few hard knocks from time to time. Affliction, though it does not feel good, is not always a bad thing. In fact, in Psalm 119:71 David says, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” Trouble has a way of drawing you in to the Lord, giving you an opportunity to learn of Him on another level. It’s in the midst of troubling times where your faith is strengthened, your character developed, your spirituality matured, and your purpose further revealed.

Affliction does not come to knock you off course, but to ensure that you remain on course with God’s path for your life. How so? By pulling you into fervent prayer, intense worship, and deeper Bible study; thus, bringing you into closer communication with the Lord.

I like to think of hard times this way – If I never felt pain, how would I know God is a healer? If I never cried tears of sorrow, how would I know He’ll wipe my tears and give me joy? If I never suffered lack, how would I know He’s a provider? If I never go through, how would I know that He can bring me out?

All of these things allow God the opportunity to prove His awesome power in our life. Besides, without a test, how would we ever be able to overcome by the word of our testimony? You see, just as Romans 8:28 says, all things work for our good.

Though it's tough to go through the pit of affliction, God’s grace is abundantly sufficient, and it shields us from being consumed by the fire.

When calamity strikes through loss, divorce, lack, sickness, persecution, struggle, or whatever you find yourself facing, understand that there is a blessing that can still be found in the midst of it.

That blessed gift is the occasion for God to prove His faithfulness, His mighty power, and His strength to you in ways you've never experienced. In every bad situation, there is an opportunity for more awareness of the Lord's goodness.

So instead of singing why me through troubling seasons, choose to thank God for selecting you to receive an outpour of His grace, strength and power. Choose to pray through the pain, worship through the worry, and meditate on the Word through the madness. We should want God to know that He can trust us to be faithful to Him not only in the good times, but as well as the bad.

I’m sure it may seem like you’re suffering hit after hit, and there's no ladder leading out of the pit of your affliction, but God trusts that you can handle it and come through it just fine. I've heard it said that He gives the toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. In God's strength, you'll make it out of this pit.

Prayer this prayer with me: Lord, thank You for trusting me with affliction. Though it does not feel good, help me to realize that it affords me the opportunity to prove my loyalty to You, and, in turn, You will prove Your faithfulness to me. Even in the pit of my affliction, teach me to find the blessing of You. In Jesus' name. Amen.

From my heart to yours...

xoxo

You're Worth More Than That

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a young lady seeking prayer to help her overcome her struggle with pre-marital sex.  She expressed to me that though she loves God, and is aware that what she’s doing is wrong, she can’t seem to fully break free from the bondage of her fleshly desires. She felt as if the spirit of sexual immorality had overtaken her life, and she desperately wanted help.

“I don’t know why I keep giving myself to these men…I know they don’t love me. But am I worth more than just sex?” she wrote.  Her words pierced my heart; I empathized with her.  I knew all too well what she was going through.

I would love to say that I saved myself until marriage, but that’s not my testimony.  I struggled with pre-marital sex for many years.  I knew it was displeasing to God, but my flesh almost always overpowered my intentions to do right.

At an early age, I’d been used to satisfy a man’s sexual desires.  Because of that, I believed my body was created for that purpose alone.  As I grew older, the cycle continued.  Only this time, I willingly offered the most precious gift I had to give.  It continued well into my adult life, and by that time I’d become comfortable in my sin.

I reached a point in my life where I wanted to become closer to God and desired to present my body as a living sacrifice, but sexual immorality had such a grip on me that I always found myself falling into its trap.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I prayed and cried at the altar, begging God to help me, only to find myself right back in someone’s bed.

Why do I keep doing this? Aren’t I worth more than just a good time? I’d ask myself.  I guess I was asking the wrong person, because the only answer I ever got was, “This is all you’re worth.”

While still in the midst of my struggle, I began to spend time in prayer.  I sincerely asked the Lord, “Is my body worth more than just sex?”  And I finally got the answer I so desperately needed, found in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:  “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”  My body?  A temple?  A sacred place where the Holy Spirit dwells?  No way.  It was hard for me to believe that there was anything sacred about my body.

I decided to seek the Lord through consecrated time of prayer and fasting, and my only request was for God to show me my value and deliver me from the desire to engage in pre-marital sex.  And you know what?  He answered my prayer.  It was not at all an easy process, and there were times that I fell in the process, but because God helped me to realize that my body was not my own, and I should honor Him with my body, presenting it as a holy sacrifice, I was determined to overcome my struggle.  He helped me to understand that although I’d been used and abused, my body was a temple -- the most precious, valuable gift I could give to a man, and it was not meant for me to share it with any old Joe.  But it was designed for me to share with the husband He’d designed for me.

A few months after I began my journey to honoring God with my body and abstaining from sex, my longtime boyfriend and I were married. Now, I’m not suggesting that if you fast and pray for a specified length of time, you’ll end up with a husband and your struggle will be over. That's my personal story. All I’m saying is that prayer, faith, and determination works.  God can help us with absolutely anything.

Each time a woman gives herself to a man that is not her husband, she gives away a piece of her soul, and she can never get it back.  She defiles her temple.  The precious, sacred temple that belongs to God is now filled with the spirits of every man she lays with.  Her heart becomes emotionally scarred, and she loses sight of her self-worth.

Sisters, you are more than what your body has to offer.  You are a queen, a royal gem, and your value is priceless.  Don’t sell yourself short another day.  It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been struggling, or how many men you’ve been with,  God will forgive you.  According to 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  He will purify your body, your mind, and your spirit, and you can start afresh.  Just because you’ve already done it, does not mean you can’t start over, and begin to practice abstinence.

I pray for you, whomever and where ever you are, that you will come to know your value, allow God to sanctify your body, and offer it as a living sacrifice to God.

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You can do it! You're worth so much more than that.

From my heart to yours...
xoxo

Release The Baggage

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."  

(Hebrews 12:1)

There's a show I used to watch on A&E called Hoarders. The show depicts people who are chronic packrats. They pack so much stuff into their homes that it crowds them out and they can barely even maneuver through their own house. They find themselves surrounded and closed in by mounds of stuff that they’ve collected and allowed to accumulate over the years, so much so, that many of their homes are deemed uninhabitable or a hazard to not only themselves, but those around them.

So many of us women are exactly like the people I’ve seen on Hoarders. The only difference is that instead of hoarding physical stuff, we are emotional hoarders. Instead of our houses overflowing with loads of trinkets, trash and treasures, our hearts are packed to capacity with unforgiveness, painful secrets, insecurities, fear, memories from the past, envy and the like. And because our heart and mind are so severely cluttered, we leave little to no room for the Holy Spirit to fully dwell within us. So often we feel like “God, where are you? I can’t feel you. I can’t sense your presence.” And I can imagine Him standing just outside the doors of our heart, saying “I’m right here, but there’s no room in there for me. Your space is uninhabitable.”

Just like those people on the show, their massive accumulation of stuff draws a wedge between them and their loved ones, our internal baggage can build distance between us and the presence and power of God in our lives.

In just about every instance, the person who hoards is weighed down, unhappy or depressed, and their true progress in life is significantly hindered, if not completely stalled.

My favorite part of the show, though, is when psychologists and professional organizers come in and assist the individual with cleaning out their home, both internally and externally. Room by room, they walk side by side with the person, helping them to acknowledge their issue, identity the root of it, go through the things they’ve accumulated and then finally decide to let most, if not all, of it go. The transformation is nothing short of amazing.

They begin to smile again, laugh again, love again, their families are restored, their vitality is renewed, and their home that was once extremely cluttered and difficult to maneuver through, becomes a place where joy flows freely.

It’s very similar in life. When we open our emotional suitcase, sort through the things we’ve packed inside, and throw out those things that weigh us down, we are able to excel and thrive in life. When we drop the weight, clean out our heart, we can tread through life feeling much lighter. The help we need to do this is available to us through the Holy Spirit.

There is another thing that intrigues me about the people I see on Hoarders. Anytime a neighbor, co-worker, or anyone who lives outside of their home is asked about the person’s hoarding, their responses are almost always the same --“I had no idea.” Though they see these people probably on a day-to-day basis, from the outside, they look perfectly normal. That is because they have mastered the art of hiding what’s really going on behind their closed doors. The same is to true with so many women, especially in the church world. We are professional pretenders. We put on our Sunday Best, our Mac makeup, get our weave sewn in just right, slip on our 5 inch heels, flash our pearly whites, and we cover up the brokenness, bitterness, and battered hearts behind it. We cry ourselves to sleep at night, but come Sunday morning, we act as if we are filled with joy. We fall time and time again into the bed of the wrong man, searching for love and validation, but convince others that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We burn with envy at our sister, inwardly rolling our eyes every time she walks by, but are quick to hug her with a “Hey girl!” and a smile.

We are masters at masquerade. We wear the masks and hide the weight so well that nobody has not even a clue about what’s really going on inside. But there is one truth that we can all be certain of – What’s in us eventually comes out. What goes on within our heart and mind eventually reveals itself through our outward actions. Weight cannot be forever hidden, and we absolutely cannot continue to pretend that we are spiritually fit, when internally, we are emotionally obese. The time is now to be honest with ourselves, recognize that our inward scale is tipping over, and choose to take proactive steps to lay aside those weights that hinder us from becoming all that God has destined us to be.

So, to begin this emotional fitness goal, I have five questions for you:

1. Who/What are the weights in your bag?
2. Why are you carrying it around?
3. Where has holding on to the weight(s) gotten you?
4. How do you drop the weight?
5. Once you empty your bag, what do you refill it with?

• Who/What are the weights in your bag (heart/mind)?

Identifying where the extra weight came from is the first step. I have personally embarked on a new journey to physical health and fitness after realizing that I’ve put on a few pounds over the past year. Before I could commence on working to lose the weight, I first had to ask myself “How did I accumulate this weight? What have I been putting into my body to cause this extra heaviness?” And those are the same questions you have to ask yourself. What or WHO is it that’s weighing me down?

> Insecurity (low self-esteem)

> Fear - God has not given us a spirit of fear…2 Timothy 1:7

> Depression - Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop…Prov 12:25

> Unforgiveness - Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die. It steals your joy, your peace, your sleep, and it breeds hatred, bitterness and strife.

> Other people’s problems - If helping others hurts you more, it is a weight and hindrance to your progress in life.

> Your past - If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Old things have passed away, behold ALL things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). The past is a chain that holds you hostage. It weighs upon you, keeping you bound and preventing you from moving forward. In Christ, you are free indeed (John 8:36). Forget the former things. Follow Paul’s example in Philippians 3:13 and forget those things that are behind you.

< Lack of faith - An inability to trust in God is a breeding ground for worry, anxiety, and stress.

> Wrong relationships - "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) Not that anyone is the devil, but sometimes we try to force a fit when it’s the wrong shoe altogether. Be mindful of the connections you make. Not everyone is traveling in the same direction as you.

•  Why are you carrying it around?

Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pains we bear. Jesus already carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders. We don’t have to. Yes, we all have our own cross to carry, but even in that, the burdens God gives are light. So why do we, day after day, lug around unnecessary weight? I find that the answer to that question is quite simple – we are comfortable with being uncomfortable. We’re “used to it” and confuse contentment with comfort. It makes me think about how the children of Israel, although they were being held back and in bondage in Egypt, they’d become so accustomed to their discomfort that they struggled with actually being delivered.

So many of us can be just like that. We simply get used to the weight, and we’ve learned so well how to dress it up and make it work, that we become oblivious to, or afraid of, the fact that we need to be made free. We carry it because we’ve made it a part of who we are, we are fearful of how life will be without it, and apprehensive about doing the actual work necessary to drop the weight. We carry it because it’s easier than letting go.

• Where has carrying it gotten you?

If your internal bag is filled with excess baggage, how much has it hindered you from being where you desire to be in life? Ask yourself, how much has holding on to No Good Joe delayed my process to being captured by Mr. Right? How have my insecurities prevented me from pursuing my educational, business, or career goals? How has the bitterness I have towards my absent father, abusive mother or ex-lover held me back from being open to receive love? How has solving everybody else’s problems drained me so that I’m unable to tackle my own? How has your internal baggage, your issues and hangups, kept you from advancing and growing in Christ? Extra weight slows you down, and I think if you’re honest, it’s safe to say that holding on to it has not gotten you very far.

•  How do you drop the weight?

You know, I’m so glad you asked! It takes exercise. Faith without works is dead, right? 1 Peter 5:7 says this, “Cast your cares (your burdens, your worries, your problems, your insecurities, your issues, the weight) upon the Lord. How do you cast your cares upon Him? You take every single thing to Him in prayer, you lay it at His feet, and you leave it there. It sounds easy, but trust me, I’ve had my own personal experiences with trying to drop emotional weight (unforgiveness, pornography, depression, fornication, fear, alcohol...), and I understand that it can seem quite difficult. But on my journey to emotional health, I learned this one thing – “this kind goes not out but by prayer and fasting.”

Sometimes you just have to turn your plate down, turn the tv off, log out of social media, turn your cell phone off, and get on your face before the Lord. The thing I love about God is He understands and we can be totally honest with Him. Tell him, Lord this is too heavy for me but I’m struggling to let it go. I know it’s hindering my progress in life and I wanna let it go, but I need your help. Help me to strip off this weight and leave it with you.

Then, there are times when we already know what we need to do to drop the weight, and crying before the Lord is not necessary. We already know we need to put Joe out of our house. We already know we need to stop gossiping on the phone with Sis. So & So. We already know we need to forgive our sister or brother and let go of the grudge. But in any case, we still need the Lord’s help.

We must consistently pray to be transformed by the renewing of our mind and learn to retrain and redirect our way of thinking. Sometimes our weight can just be stinky thinking…the woe is me mentality. But Philippians 2:5 says “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” And Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and are of a good report.”

•  Once you empty your internal bag, what do you fill it with?

The answer to this is quite simple and can be found in Galatians 5:22-23 – “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” We can never overfill on these.

Along this journey of life, because it is an uphill journey, it is imperative that we pack light. The enemy wants nothing more than to see you stuck in life, never reaching your full potential in Christ. But God is saying, I want to take you higher, but you’ve got to drop those weights that hold you down. His arms are outstretched saying, "Just give them to me. Give me your hurt, give me your pain, give me your insecurities, let go of that bitterness, give me that struggle, that secret addiction. Let me lighten your load so that you can run the race I’ve set before you."

Drop your weight as His feet.

From my heart to yours...

xoxo